T. Shaov: About Myself (Немного о себе), by Rashpill

A b o u t     M y s e l f

English translation by Rashpill, 2010

I am unsatisfied with myself completely.
My life is muddled, spent for nonsense day by day.
I am doughface, I’m soft and flabby, I’m weak-willed,
Friends say: “Let’s go out!” – and I’m on my way.

      I’m very bilious, careless and forgetful,
      My mind is labile and my moral is in doubt,
      At home also I‘m so effete and fretful,
      That I am sad for what my mirror shows out.

I’m not a men, I am a piece of junk emotions,
I’m not too prolix, but I’m babblative, I’d say.
I’m not a coward, but I’m very-very cautious
I can’t say “greedy”, but devoted to the saves.

      No, I will always give a crip some spare money,
      But if you look at me there will be no confuse:
      I cannot nearly be like Mahatma Gandhi,
      I even cannot be a bit like Mother Goose.

            I am sleeping long and tasteful,
            I sleep ‘till the day expire,
            In the night I walk like a vampire.

                  I could be like Voltaire
                  I could write books, I swear,
                  But luck of diligence is here.
                  I could become Chopin,
                  Make music from everything…
                  If not so lazy, I’ll be him.

The Bach is stopped; the Plato is unread and dusty,
But I’m watching TV show and drinking wine.
With passion I am doing absolutely nothing
And with disgust I am recalling all my life.

      I left my homeland, the business of my study,
      Now I’m screaming like a cycling gramophone,
      My tiny kids are crying loudly: “daddy, daddy!”
      But daddy always is busy or is gone.

At hom[e] I’m despot, so stubborn, so tedious
Just from the morning I am poisoning their life
At least, thanks God that I’m having no periods
Imagine so, they’ll be simply forced to die.

      I am tight-assed, I’m unrecoverably filthy
      I blame myself in whole and blame for every part,
      I always feel so existentially guilty
      For the Original, First Sin, it’s so hard!

            I am drinking, I am smoking,
            Watching women, being shocked...
            After that I’m back to drink and smoke.

                  Somewhere plants are smoking,
                  And I am smoking, well,
                  I really, deeply hate myself!
                  I am not very pretty,
                  I am not very smart,
                  So, why I’m not a Hollywood star?

At any point I can squander any amount
And so a friend of mine said kindly: “I swear,
“With your talents you’re ready for the Senate.
Just go for it, you’re like anybody there. “

      But in the Senate all the seats
      Are taken and sold out…
      Sold out, I believe without a doubt.

What else? Yes, I confess that I am such a rascal.
And now – main thing: a word about you, my love.
Please, take my thanks to you for pulling, like a husky,
All our life – it’s a continuous sacrifice!

      You must be canonized for instant, during living
      For all your suffering, your love and all your work
      I’m also going to become a man, just whistle,
      Straight from the first of month... No, better from the fourth.