T. Shaov: Northern Serenade (Северная серенада), by Rashpill

N o r t h e r n     S e r e n a d e

English translation by Rashpill, 2010

In the Florence that’s full of sunshine,
In Verona that also is warm now,
Happy suiters, been full of the wine,
Come to balconies of their choice.
Handkerchiefs’re flying down from above,
And they’re singing to their señoritas
To express their Italian love
With their thin macaronian voice.

But in Moscow it’s windy and cold,
I’m under your window, sweetie.
Minus 20 in Celsius, and snow.
I am singing with no underpants.
It’s so cold without underpants,
And I’ll end up with prostatitis,
Frost too tight is, and I am below.
Just look out – please, give me a hope!

      Getting colder. I will cut it.
      I have also no gauntlets.
      In a glance: I love you, and that’s it, my dear.
      Love, in our cold climate
      Often cannot grow ripe, and
      Don’t leave my tiny sprout in that freezer!

      Just five words will describe me:
      I’m normal, I’m kind,
      I’m romantic, I’m gentle, and I’m forgiving,
      Smoke half-pack a day at most,
      I have no car and house,
      And I will accept your mom’s for our living.

            Well, would you come out, please?
            Or you’ll wait for me to freeze?
            Throw me hanky, since I wanna…
            Mi amore bella donna!

Why you girls like to get all the men
To the burning, to shaking, to dying,
Make us be marinated, preserved,
And 10 times in a row – confessed!
But I’m human – not a polar bear,
Nor an Amundsen-Scott, nor Papanin,
Nor a penguin or seal of a sort,
I can really freeze to the death!

      Let all talking be on hold.
      By the way, it’s very cold.
      But my love I will uphold rise -n-shiny.
      Moscow is a cold town.
      Please come out, throw down
      Handkerchief, kerchief or shawl, and better – downy…

      Do I hear a rustling sound?
      But not you – your mom is coming.
      Buena Sera, How bright moonlight tonight is!
      And your mom said so hateful,
      So unkindly, but straighful
      Some expressions I’d prefer to keep omitted:

            Music: Twinkle, Twinkle...
            Single, single! It’s too far!
            Blah-blah-blah-blah – what you are!
            Blah-blah-blah-blah getting high,
            Once again, and you will die!
<...>

It is not just a singing at night.
It’s a love that is fighting the freezing.
It’s a drama upon Universe.
It’s a battle between life and death!
Since your neighbors are not so polite,
And your mama did call for policemen.
Human being can stand even worse,
And accept. But it’s cold as… Jeese!

     Booby hatch is quick and handsome,
     Brakes are squeaking by the fence now,
     Bulletproof bluebird is coming with a shout:
     Freeze! Shut up! I’m sergeant Stinger.
     Who is that? That’s you were singing?
     We’re informed by Mrs. Capulet about.

     He will take me out of cold,
     He will lock me in the hold,
     So finally, thanks God, I will be thawed!
     But I’ll buy some underpants, and
     I will go to that fence, and
     I will sing about my love, and strive, and hope!

For never was a story more exhausting
Than this of love, and freeze, and of a prostate!