T. Shaov: Don’t Go! (Не ходи!), by Rashpill

Автор
Опубликовано: 3594 дня назад (12 октября 2010)
Редактировалось: 3 раза — последний 10 августа 2013
Играет: Тимур Шаов: Не ходи!
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Голосов: 0

D o n ’ t     G o !

English translation by Rashpill, 2010

John Smith was healthy all his life,
Was very shape and very tough,
Was eating good and drinking stuff
Without getting drunk.
He was, like anvil, iron-made.
His wife, being talking to her friends,
Pretending that she is crying, said:
Mine is a horny punk!

One day there was an anecdote:
His stomach swelled out of the coat.
Young doctor, which has lack of thought,
Kept testing all the way.
Some purging pills could make a day,
But, no –u-sound, height and weight,
X-ray… Men, why the hell x-ray?
Just ate too much today!

But when they brought his test results,
Like a dead sentence it insults.
So many illnesses were found –
Can’t read without tears:
There was gastritis, hepatitis,
And kidney failure, and bronchitis,
Terminal maladies of all kinds
But stroke and HIV.

From that news _ he turned to be so nervous,
Lost his appetite, and got completely sleepless
Shout on kids, _ called “bitch” his dear spouse,
Didn’t go out, just laid and cursed people.

(But we already told him, that: )

Oh, don’t go, Johnny, into doctor’s grip!
Saving money, you will get a better sleep!
Don’t go, Johnny, don’t wake the woe,
Don’t go, Johnny Smith, just don’t go!

Despite he was so healthy man,
Bends a horseshoe by bare hand,
Now points a thumb to his left side:
“My liver is corrupt!”
My dear Johnny, don’t cry:
The liver’s always on the right!
But he ignores and just recites
How he is handicapped.

He lies all day, he is so deaf,
Listening closely to himself:
There’s needle here, and tension there,
In chest and in the heels.
He sent his wife away – “Don’t touch!
You’ll get infection, it’s too much,
You better go to pharmacy
Get pain and fever pills!

Yes, Johnny Smith lies in the bed,
And his urine is so bad,
With such urine your life is sad,
And credit score is gone!
He lays so mean, with pale skin,
Awake, alert and listening
How in his kidneys his urine
Is running over stones

Even news for him are now so boring,
He’s not watching what is happening this morning
He is socially passive and ignoring,
(and even)
Didn’t go out for presidential voting.
(Can you imagine?)

He got slim, he got dim, (music: jingle bells)
Nobody said to him:

Oh, don’t go, Johnny, into doctor’s grip!
Saving money, you will get a better sleep!
Don’t go, Johnny, don’t wake the woe,
Don’t go, Johnny Smith, just don’t go!

His checks got flat, his eyes got dim,
And relatives came visit him:
His mother-in-law from Tennessee
And brothers from the West.
They sent already for the priest,
They cleaned the house, prepared the feast,
His wife got home with black textile
To make a widow’s dress.

But – call from clinic broke the quite
They said: "We’re sorry, that result
Belongs to other Johnny Smith,
He now passed away.
And your condition is distinct,
Your spit is fine, and blood is clean,
Urine’s as good as fountain drink,
Your body is OK."

Quietly our Johnny Smith got from his coach,
Gulped vodka bought for his commemoration,
Took the gun and said: "I’ll see a doctor…" Ouch!
And we had to tie him up to stop the vengeance…

( and to sing: )

Oh, don’t go, Johnny, into doctor’s grip!
Saving money, you will get a better sleep!
Don’t go, Johnny, don’t wake the woe,
Don’t go, Johnny Smith, just don’t go!

We ashamed, but we all are like that.
Sometimes, you’re asking old friend:
“How’re you doing?” – And he would say:
“I don’t know for sure.
I’ll go to my physician soon
And he will tell me, how I’m doing
And how much time I have left…”
Well, are you crazy, dude?

Don’t go there, just relax,
It’s quickest way to get your troubles
Don’t worry, buddy – take a shot
And get a piece of bread.
Just love your wife and live your life,
Drop all the tests on shredding knife
It works this way: as more you know,
As sooner you’ll be dead.
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